All the hours I spend hanging out with and teaching Jai are vanishing into nothing. He is not really progressing either in communication (my job) or independence (a shared job between Heather and me). In some ways he is going forwards, and in some ways backwards.... he is no longer willing to put himself to sleep unless exhausted, no longer able to feed himself water without help, using less key word signs, making less effort at vocalising; luckily he is making some progress in other ways.

I think the lack of consistency and routine, partly due to my shift work, is unhelpful. And I’ve been getting mentally exhausted more and more often in the last few months. Some days I have no energy to go through our routine. Showing Jai book after book is okay. Pointing out the names of toys, rooms, objects, talking as I walk with him is okay. But coaxing him to pay attention to the computer programmes; trying without success to get him to press buttons, to make choices, to understand he can communicate like this; showing him key word signs ad infinitum; playing learning games he doesn’t want to play. I’m getting less and less enthusiastic. I need a break. Maybe Jai does too.

What’s the bright side? Firstly, he’s still a pretty happy, easy going boy. Secondly, I visited the school I hope he can get into in 2021. It was amazing.. so full of care and patience, small classes, 6 children with simple routines and songs to get them focussed for the day ahead, then individualised learning tasks. Three amazing and committed teachers for these 6 children. I was able to spend 15 minutes watching the class after a tour of the school. I can see Jai going here and feeling a sense of belonging. This would change everything. If only he can get to the stage that he can join in.

Deep breath. Fingers crossed. Start again.