Dream:

I am driving a car which i have little control over. I reverse in a semicircle on a steep driveway. I almost run over an elderly woman who i didn’t notice. I am shaken, and ask someone what her name is, so i can apologise and make excuses why i couldn’t control the car, but notice the woman is cursing at me ferociously.

Later i am driving onto a large highway, mostly empty. The car is small and old and falling apart. I can’t quite fit my whole body into the car, nor do up the seatbelt. I feel i am going too fast, and that i cannot stop from crashing. I push on the brakes to try to slow down, but I can’t slow down enough. The thought enters my head that i need a better car.

In reality this describes my life pretty well. I have no choice but to do what I’m doing, but disaster is always a shadow away. I love the people i work with and the job i do despite being at an understaffed and overworked and crazily busy department. Somehow it gives me some respite from the relentless and lonely work at home. Having adults to talk with, to joke around with in the midst of the chaos.

I want to survive and rise to the challenges, to keep fighting, to not give in to despair.

I need to find support at home as well as at work.