Friendships and balance

I think it is impossible for all of a person's needs to be fulfilled by one significant other who you happen to fall in love with. The chemicals kick in... infatuation, love, madness, whatever you want to call it. Then slowly wears off and we are left to see what's left. Are we moved by the same music?, the same art? Do we relax and laugh together? Do we share dreams? How do we each envision day to day life? Do we want kids, and do we mostly agree on how to bring them up? Are we mostly in agreement or in battle? Can we talk and argue and make positive changes in our relationship? 

In the midst of all of this and in the chaos and swings of everyday life, we are meant to find intimacy and understanding. Some couples find it easy to joke and laugh together, or fall into a natural intimacy. Others value the same relaxations, maybe drink some wine, play some cards. Or go dancing together. Some meet with mutual friends regularly. Not all have the luck that these things come easily; for many (I think) it is about working together and continual compromise.  

Outside of this jangly embrace, I believe people need to have friends outside of their "significant other" who they can relax and laugh and vent and have fun with, outside of all the burden and pressure. And some friends who they share a trust and intimacy with. These friendships should be nurtured and treasured, no guilt should be associated with them. We should mark are calendars regularly to arrange escapes from the weight and stress of daily life. We need these friendships to stay sane, to stay in love with life, and to give our partnerships/marriages a fighting chance. 

Roses and Bluejays

I've been called a dreamer by several people close to me during my life. Both a blessing and a curse i suppose, but it feels like mostly a blessing. It's a gift from my Dad, who's pushing 90 years old, still working despite our best efforts to get him to retire and move in with us, still coming up with plans to save the world. But tonight, he's in hospital with a cough that grew nasty. Good dreams, Dad; I'll be seeing ya tomorrow with some curry and dosai to cure your ills.  

Craftsmanship and flow

1. Craftmanship

I think it is important to do things well. Not everything, but some things at least. This takes time and effort. And also a certain attitude. An attitude that says I am going to prioritise this task, and do this task well, no matter how much time and effort it takes. I will reflect on what I have done, and keep doing the things i do well (even if they get boring, or there are other things to do, or i am tired, or whatever) and change the things i don't do well. And I will reflect on what i am doing over time, and continually change whenever i need to. 

For example there are the things that I've prioritised - teaching and nurturing Noah, then Uma and Jai. A lot of this comes naturally for me but i still need to reflect and change and get better. I prioritise it, and get a pride and energy out of doing it well. Even when it takes effort, i feel an instinct that most people don't have, and it feels like I'm on a different level. It can feel like meditation with a purpose. I think this is what's meant by "flow"; the ability to do something difficult without really needing to think.

I have another important job, being an ED Physician. This is the sort of job that one needs to do well, not do a half-assed job. At some stage in my career, I made the decision to try hard to do the clinical roles well, or at least well enough. It is not something that came naturally for me,  so I've needed to keep working hard for many years, to feel the tension and chaos and mental exhaustion, until a lot of it has become second nature, and I can finally, sometimes "flow". 

Then there's my other jobs.. my non clinical roles at work (especially teaching more junior ED docs), being a partner to my wife, being present for my elderly parents. These things all suffer when i am short of time and energy. I go through the motions a lot, allow myself to be underprepared, to be not fully present. Que sera, none of us can be perfect, right? At least I can't. 

2.  Flow

If I understand correctly, the man who coined this word "flow", Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, thought that people with lots of flow activities in their life are more likely to be happy and content. Flow activities can be very diverse, from chanting in groups or choirs, to dancing, or skiing, or sport or meditation. For me, there are a select few.. being a Dad, trekking, and playing cards are the ones that have come easily, but sadly i no longer play cards or trek. Work, bar conversations, pool, more rarely and unpredictably. Hopefully, I'll find others some time. 

Dystopia australis

Australia seems to be sliding down a path towards a dystopia of lies, power, and control . It's been going for a while I guess. John Howard, Prime Minister from 1992 for way too many years, got voted in by appealing to the worst elements of prejudice in all it's forms. Lying about Tampa, then the "children overboard" farce, demonising Asylum seekers. Then demonising and disempowering Aboriginal Australians with "the Intervention". This was the start. I think this showed the disciples of economic rationalism, led by Rupert Murdoch, that they could get away with untruths, with blaming others, with dividing and conquering. These are people who don't believe in society, and don't believe in helping the powerless. 

Since this time, the economic rationalists in power have treated Australia's wealth as their own. Moving money and power from public health and education, and into private companies. Allowing wealthy lobbyists and favoured industries free rein. Moving spending from tourism infrastructure into mining and big fishing. Allowing rampant building of apartment blocks, office blocks, and highways. Entrenching their message by discouraging free media. Attacking anyone who questions the new order.. Bob Brown and the Greens, the Guardian, the ABC, Gillian Triggs, many others..

The government seems assured of its power. Ministers are taking the piss, showing us that they are no longer even scared that they can be voted out. Tony Abbott making himself "Minister for Indigenous affairs" then "Minister for Women". Bronwyn Bishop making a mockery of the speaker's role by being unashamedly the most partisan speaker in history. But pushing her impunity too far by taking a $5000 helicopter flight, taxpayer funded. Joe Hockey dividing us into "lifters or leaners", before smugly smoking his cigar on the night of the nastiest budget in memory (thankfully, we did vote then all out, but there is a long list of  ministers still spouting malice and nonsense).

I'm sure that the many disenfranchised people of Australia are getting used to the freedoms and rights being trampled on. Not content with demonising asylum seekers and aboriginal australians, the movement has turned on city folk and white folk too.  Prisoners (including those in prison for non violent crimes, including kids in youth detention), the unemployed, people with disability, victims of domestic violence, and the mentally ill. The list is expanding and the assault on rights is escalating. Scott Morrison's new idea is to randomly drug test welfare recipients, so he can justify quaranteening their payments. Attacking the integrity of a group then disempowering them is a strategy with a precedent. Ask Aboriginal families in NT communities affected by the Intervention what that's like! And more and more of us are coming under attack. We are giving up our freedoms bit by bit, oblivious like slowly cooking frogs.