I have a daydream.. that i take leave of my job, a short goodbye; one morning, give my kids and my wife a hug goodbye, and drive off into the country North or West, no destination in mind. In this dream, i let go of my phone, my email, my Facebook account, find work when i need to, send money back to support my family, but otherwise strip back my life to the simple day to day chores.... sleep, eat, exercise, work, write, explore nature. Maybe for 3 months, maybe 3 years. Of course, it's impossible. My kids would miss me, probably my wife, some friends would be concerned, someone would track me down. The brutal lack of freedom of modern life. But it's a nice dream for me, someone who cannot help revert back to the feeling of being an outsider from every which group.

Ultimately, i think, everyone needs to find their own tribe, their people. People who like them, accept them for who they are, like hanging out with them. I have had people like this in my life, girlfriends, card friends, traveling friends. I even have some people like this in my life now. But i don't get to spend much time with them. I have made bad or unlucky choices, which have lead me to be part of groups of people who don't quite get me, or who i feel not quite in tune with. My wife has changed over the years into someone who accepts but doesn't enjoy who i am, my passions, or my sense of humour. My kids are lovely, but they are kids. At work, i often feel boring and humourless, off kilter, strange. I spend too much of my time with people who don't really want me around (my kids excepted). Is it too late to change?